new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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