just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
