I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
