they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
