He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
