if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
