I will die if light touches me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
