Non-Jews are for practice
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
