i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
