I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
