Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
