I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
