Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just blew my weed a kiss
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Bring me that man meat
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
