Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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