i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
