So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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