I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
