We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
