He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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