If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize