got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
