She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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