Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize