Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
