I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize