It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
