i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
