i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
