So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
