nut hugger
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
