In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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