I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He is an equal opportunity slut.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
