I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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