so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
