Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
