I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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