bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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