Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
