I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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