We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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