sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
sarcasm needs its own font
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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