"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
