I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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