nut hugger
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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