I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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