Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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