I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
