Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
