Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
