Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
