That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize