I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
