Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
