I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
