I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
