the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
