laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
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