he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
