We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize