I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
