I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
