it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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