I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
