She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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