maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
