so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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