i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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