she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
