So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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