Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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