I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
