Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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