Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
