hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
