I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
