That's when you crack a 10am beer
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
