That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
